


In Your Heart Shall Burn

by LucyLightwood



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Awkward Cullen, F/M, Fluff, Mages and Templars, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of rough sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 05:14:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9477146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucyLightwood/pseuds/LucyLightwood
Summary: Something snapped inside of him when Trevelyan called him "Knight-Commander", something that he had buried deep inside. Cullen knows they need to talk about it, but he doesn't want to lose her.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!, this is my first Dragon Age fic. I'm making it a one-shot for the moment, but I think I will add more short moments/stories between them because she is my canon inquisitor and I just had to write about them.  
> This is set when they have just started having a relationship, so they are also new to being in bed with each other. And well, some things you have to talk about ;) 
> 
> Also! My first language is not English, so if you see any mistakes please tell me. (I don't have a beta for my Dragon Age fics, if any of you want to help, it would be cool.)
> 
> Okay, hope you like it!

She was strong. Powerful. Cullen was sure about those two simple facts. The Inquisitor would bow to no one. She was a force to be reckoned with. He had thought about it the first time they met, watching thunder and lightning pour down on their enemies while she moved her staff. She was a mage. He realized that too, and it made him weary. Cullen chastised himself about being a bit crude to her when they had their first talk. He was... unsure around mages. Even if he was trying to change. 

Kate Trevelyan never wavered, not during a single moment. He saw her fight, and conquer, and fall and rise again. At first, the flirting had took him by surprise and, well, she was beautiful. He wasn't going to act like she wasn't. He remembered Haven and the small talks they had shared, he remembered how she would always return, sweaty and covered in blood. Not her blood, of course. Not always.

And day after day he would think of her. He would lay down on his tent at Haven and think about her shape and the way her body moved when she casted spells, he would think of her battle screams and the way she was leading them. And he thought about her being a mage. It shouldn't have mattered -and mostly it didn't- but to a part of himself it did. And he didn't like that part of himself. It wasn't just the reluctance and fear, it was... something dark too. Something he didn't want to explore. Ever. She was a human being like himself, she deserved everything. _But she needs to be looked over, she could-... no._

Those had been hard days, and to a point he started to avoid her. Training their soldiers, missing her returns, focusing on work. Work had always kept him focused, and it would be his anchor once again.   
And then Haven fell. Corypheus raised like a wave of fire ready to drown them all, but she was... She was ready to give her life for the cause. To give her life for all of them. If Cullen had felt any doubt towards Kate, it all faded in that moment. Maybe it had been too late, he thought, maybe he would never have a chance to speak to her again. And still, he didn't say what he felt. 

And for hours he thought she had perished. He thought that maybe, just maybe that woman had seen him. Maybe they could have had something, and he had ruined it. Like so many things in his life. 

He remembers carrying her back to the small improvised camp they had made, he remembers her cold body and her hands clutching to his armor. Trevelyan was shivering, and it was clear she had walked for miles on her own trying to find the way to them. Cullen thought of the Maker and felt himself blessed with something he didn't deserve. He would make things right this time. He promised himself that when he placed her on a small warm bed. 

Cullen had stopped avoiding her once they reached Skyhold, a huge castle waiting for the Inquisition to claim it as its own. For some reason, she kept flirting with him, showing time and time again her interest. And he... shared that interest.

But now, now? He had _ruined_ things, again. He had ruined it. But how couldn't he? He didn't deserve such a good woman, such a... He didn't deserve love. And he knew that, it was clear as day now. 

Cullen closed his eyes, unable to look at her. The Inquisitor was sitting right next to him, inside his quarters. She had insisted they talked, and how could he deny her? 

"Inquisitor, I-..." 

"Oh, It's inquisitor again?" 

Cullen opened his eyes and looked straight at her. Of course it wasn't. But after what he had _done_.

"Kate..." 

"Yes?" 

"I'm sorry about... I shouldn't have... I don't know what took over me" He admitted. Shame and... fear washed over him. What had he become? What type of men was he? 

He could remember the night before in perfect detail, everything had gone right at first. She took him to her bedroom inside the castle, and they started kissing while Kate took his armor off. 

_"I'll be off in a couple of days" She whispered, kissing through his neck and leading him to bed. Maker, he thought, she was perfect at this. Sometimes he wanted to ask about her experience. Not that it mattered, of course, but Cullen couldn't understand how she was so... skilled having lived inside a Circle her whole life._

_Well, he knew it wasn't fair. He wasn't a virgin, and he had been a Templar in a Circle for a long time too._

_He moaned when she bit his skin, hard. "Stop thinking, Cullen" The way she said his name was so good. He panted and pushed her onto the bed, placing himself on top and starting to undress her._

_It wasn't that she was a mage, but her robes were so easy to take off that he thanked the Maker for the way she dressed. Sometimes he saw her walking around the castle and thought how easy it would be to pull her somewhere private, tear her clothes apart and take her right there.  
Kate purred, her back arched and her eyes closer. Her lips were slightly parted and Cullen wanted to press into her mouth with his thumb. Oh, God, he wanted to do so much to her. But... no. She was a lady, the best woman he could ever have and he was going to treat her right. _

_He kissed all over her chest, taking one of her pink nipples inside his mouth. Cullen hadn't expected her skin to be this soft the first time they made love. But she was perfect everywhere. And the thought of placing his mouth between her legs made his dick harden inside his pants.  
"Kate" he moaned biting her stomach, pushing her legs open._

"No, Cullen, look... We have to talk about this" She frowned, it was the Inquisitor looking at him, not the soft woman he saw when she smiled. Well, he deserved that didn't he? After how he had acted.

"Do we? I think it's pretty clear" 

"No. It is not, Cullen" 

_"Yes, yes" She was moaning, legs around his hips, head thrown back and eyes closed. Cullen was making her feel whole and he knew it. He knew he was doing it right, she kept asking for more, panting and moaning and pressing her hands to his arms. Maker, he was being hard with her, and she loved it._

_"Maker... Kate" He whispered sucking one of her nipples, his hands pulling her closer with a big thrust._

_"Knight-Commander" She moaned in a way he hadn't hear before and something inside him stuttered. He stopped for a moment and looked at her with ice inside his eyes. He had never... He... He wasn't like that anymore, he wasn't a templar. But in that moment he felt like one, like a Templar fucking a powerless mage._

_And it shouldn't have felt good. But it did. He remembered groaning and clutching her wrists, pressing them against the mattress and thrusting harder._

_Kate had liked it, or at least her moans told him that. But then he... he took a hand to her throat and saw fear in her eyes.  
Cullen pulled away almost immediately, the air between them tense. He gave a poor excuse and left, without looking at her again. How could he? Oh, goodness. _

"I know... we took it too far last night. But you should've stayed. We could've talked about it" 

"Ka-... Trevelyan" He looked at her, trying to make her understand how filthy and horrible he was. How little he deserved her. "What happened last night, I'm... I don't deserve you" Cullen cupped her face with a hand, hating himself for not staying away from her. 

"What happened last night is something we have to talk about" She smiled, pressing her cheek against his hand "I'm going to make some assumptions about it. You stop me if I'm wrong. Okay?"

He nodded, willing to hear anything she said and to answer with all the truth he had. He really wanted to be a good man. 

"We are just... starting this. And I know what happened at the Circle of Ferelden, you told me." She paused for a moment, taking the hand on her face and holding it between them "And I've been thinking about it. You liked a mage there, didn't you?" 

Cullen swallowed hard, but nodded. He had liked a mage but... he never touched her. That would have been _wrong_ , extremely wrong. Not only because the order was forbidden from fraternizing with mages, but because he would've been in a position of extreme power and it made him sick to just think about... abusing his power in that way. He had abused his power in the past, but never in _that_ way. And last night it felt as if... He closed his eyes.

"Alright, did you and her...?"

" _No. Maker_ , no" 

"Hey, easy there." She gave him a weary look. OH, no. 

"Not because she was a mage. But because _I_ was a templar. I mean... it wouldn't have been right. That's all" 

Kate nodded softly, a visible weight lifting from her shoulders. What had she been thinking?

"But you fantasized about it, didn't you?"

That wasn't fair. Cullen nodded. 

"So last night, when I called you Knight-Commander..."

"Why did you?" He asked, but quickly backtracked "I mean, it's just not my title anymore, I-..."

She smiled "Well, I guess I had my fantasies too, Cullen. It's alright. Hey" Kate touched his chin and then his cheek, moving closer and leaving a small kiss on his lips. "I'm not mad at you. Although I really don't like the idea of you leaving me all alone mid-sex again"

" _Maker_ " 

She giggled " _Maker_ , you are really shy, aren't you?"

Cullen shook his head, although maybe she had a point there. 

"I felt like a... like a Templar again. And you are a mage. It felt wrong. I mean, it didn't feel wrong. Not what we were doing. I was... Maker, this is confusing" 

"I think I get it." 

"No, you don't. What if I hurt you? What if I do, one day? What if I...? I don't see you like a simple mage. I don't think any less of you. I don't think like that anymore, but then you said that... you called me that and it was like... I was that person again." 

"You are not, Cullen. I know it" She moved, straddling his hips and smiling down at him "And what makes you think I'm a defenseless mage? I can defend myself from you anytime" 

"No. I don't want you to have to think that, ever. Not with me. Kate, please..." 

"I don't think that. Ever" She smiled "I just want you to know that I am more than capable of taking care of myself. And you are more than capable of being a decent human being"

Cullen remained silent for a couple of moments, his hands around her waist. A part of him told him to move his hands lower, right to her ass. It was the most impressive ass he had ever... _Maker, get a grip._

"Was this our first fight?"

Kate chuckled "I think this was our first discussion about sex, actually" 

"Hm" Cullen barely smiled, only because she felt so at ease. "Did you like it...? Before it got weird" 

"I like it when you get rough like that" Kate kissed him softly, both hands on his face "just don't choke me" 

Cullen felt hot raise to his cheeks and neck. "I am so sorry, Kate. I don't... I'll never do it ag-...Hm" Her kiss interrupted him, making him close his eyes and respond to her without hesitation.

Maybe he hadn't ruined it. Not this time.


End file.
